


Lonely

by Fantasyeverything



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Adam is abusive, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bruises, Daniel saved Maxy, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Formula 1, Formula One, Heartbreak, Hospitals, Hurt Max Verstappen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Sad, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantasyeverything/pseuds/Fantasyeverything
Summary: Max's boyfriend is abusive, and he can't take it anymore.---------It was a big blur to Max's eyes. Daniel still loved him?He was very confused and didn't know what to do with Adam. He was still his boyfriend, right? Max stared at his bruised skin. But if Adam really loved Max, would he have hurt him so much?
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen, Max Verstappen/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 96





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy :)

_ Everybody knows my name now _

_ But something about it still feels strange _

_ Like looking in a mirror, tryna steady yourself _

_ And seeing somebody else _

Max stared at his skin. Bruises all over his body, but the ones on his heart were invisible. Take another deep breath, one more time. He could do this. A tear fell slowly down his cheek, but he was too tired to take it away. He narrowed his eyes and unlocked the bathroom door. There was havoc behind the door. 

He didn't even realize he was holding his breath until he saw  _ him  _ standing there. He stopped and tried to clear up some shards. Of course Max cut himself on the glass, another wound. He already had so many. 

"Are you hurt?" The voice asked from the kitchen.

Max was silent and kept clearing the glass with his bare hands. His hands started to bleed more and more. He felt nothing.

"Max?" asked the voice. Was he concerned?

"Max, I'm talking to you," the voice said angrily. Max got goosebumps and dropped a piece of glass.

The man walked up to the Dutchman. "Shit, now I'm angry again. You always do that. You have to answer when I talk to you."

Max looked at the man, his boyfriend. For 6 months he lived with this man as his boyfriend.

"Sorry,” Max whispered.

"Okay, do you clean up the mess? The fight was your fault after all," Adam said.

Max stared at the mess and at his boyfriend. He was right, it was his fault. This was his own fault. Max had kept silent for a long time that Ziggo had arranged an interview with Daniel. Max and Daniel together in an interview, that would produce good viewing rates. Max had said "yes" but didn't know how to tell Adam.

Today he had tried telling Adam, and his boyfriend was not happy with it. Max rubbed the bruises, some of them were a few weeks old. The most painful ones were from the day before. He stared at his leg, a bruise would also develop there. 

Still, the most painful were Adam's words.

Adam was jealous of Daniel, Max knew that. But they had already been separated for half a year, it was not going to work anymore.

Max removed the fallen vase. Adam had thrown it at Max, fortunately it hadn't hit him. Then he took out his cellphone, the screen was in pieces. Adam had stamped on it so he couldn't text Daniel anymore. But Max hadn't spoken to anyone in weeks.

"I'll have qualifying tomorrow," Max began cautiously.

Adam nodded, looked around the apartment to make sure everything was clean, then looked back at Max. "And?"

Max stared at the floor, "are you there?" 

He hated Adam, but he hated being alone more.

Adam smiled and pulled Max towards him. He put the Dutchman on his lap and gave him a hug. "Always."

_ And everything is not the same now _

_ It feels like all our lives have changed _

_ Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down _

_ But it's killing me now _

  
  


Adam was not there on Saturday. Max wasn't sure what to do, Adam was always there. He controlled his life. Could Max live without him? He breathed with Adam his permission. He did everything for his love. If it could be called love.

From the paddock he could see Daniel's orange suit. Sometimes Max missed him. Daniel had not only been his boyfriend, but also his best friend. Adam forbade him from contacting Daniel. Adaml always said that exes shouldn't be in touch, maybe he was right? Max had to forget about Daniel, he was with Adam right now.

But why didn't he feel as happy as he was with Daniel? He always felt alone.

In the distance he saw his other best friend, also in an orange suit. Max missed Lando so much, they had been out of touch for weeks. Adam had told him that Max was a bad friend to Lando, and that he was better without Max. After that, they talked less and less, and played less games.

"Where is your boyfriend?" asked a voice with a thick accent.

Max turned and looked into Charles's eyes. Max smiled a little sadly, "I have no idea."

"He wouldn't like you staring at the handsome Australian in the distance."

  
  


Max closed his eyes.

Charles was right.

Adam really wouldn't like this.

Goosebumps ran all over Max's body. Fear. He was scared.

Charles frowned when the Dutchman remained silent for so long. "Max? I was kidding. I know you two broke up. Adam must be a sweetheart.”

Max nodded and bit his lip. 

He apologized and walked back to his room. He needed space. Max wanted to pick up his phone to call Adam, but he had forgotten that his phone was broken. Damn it Adam.

_ What if you had it all _

_ But nobody to call? _

_ Maybe then you'd know me _

  
  


Max looked in the mirror. His eyes were red, had he been crying? He sighed and sat on the cold floor. Why did everything go wrong in his life? He began to sob with the thought of his ex. He missed Daniel terribly.

Daniel was his light.

He was always there when Max had anxiety.

He didn’t make fun of Max's insecurities.

He loved Max.

And Max loved Daniel so fucking much.

But Max was not enough for Daniel. This was something Adam and Adam his friends used to tell Max. Max wasn't actually enough for Adam either, at least that's what he said. But Adam loved Max, and Daniel no longer loved him. 

Adam and Max had become friends in a pub after Max and Daniel had a fight. They've kept in touch. Adam always spoke the truth. He was honest about the relationship Max had. He said that Daniel no longer loved Max, but stayed with him anyway. 

In the end, Max couldn't take it anymore. They broke up, and Max got into a relationship with Adam. 

Adam did love him, right?

_ Cause I've had everything _

_ But no one's listening _

_ And that's just fucking lonely _

“Max?”

Adam? Adam was here! Max wiped his tears away and walked happily to the door. When he opened the door, he immediately got a hand around his throat. Max stared at his boyfriend, who pushed him against the wall.

_ I'm so lonely _

_ Lonely _

  
  


"Have you talked to Leclerc?"

Max couldn't answer because his airway was blocked. Tears came to his eyes, and he made a choking noise.

Adam rolled his eyes, "answer me!"

Max nodded in fear. 

And Adam released him. 

"When we get home then-" Adam was silent, because Max already knew what was to come next.

Adam walked out the door, leaving Max crying. Max rubbed his neck, there was a nasty bruise there. A hand was clearly visible.

Max had to prepare for qualifying, but he couldn't do it anymore. He stumbled over to the McLaren garage and was looked at by everyone. He didn't care. He needed someone.

_ Everybody knows my past now _

_ Like my house was always made of glass _

_ And maybe that's the price you pay _

_ For the money and fame at an early age _

  
  


Suddenly he was supported by two strong arms. He looked up and looked into Charles's eyes again.

"Who do you need?"

Max wanted to say Daniel, his whole body screamed for the Australian. But the fear of Adam was too much. "I need Lando." 

Charles nodded, but he, too, knew that was not who the Dutchman really needed. Once in the garage, the mechanics immediately responded. Max was taken to Lando and Charles never left him alone. 

Lando looked up strangely as Max and Charles stumbled into his room. But when he saw his best friend, he was shocked.

"Max?" Lando whispered. "What happened?"

Max stopped and gave his best friend a hug. He missed his scent and absorbed the scent. It immediately calmed him down.

"I've missed you, I've missed you." Max kept telling this, while Lando and Charles looked at each other questioningly.

"Max, what exactly happened?" Lando tried.

Max couldn't answer and kept shaking his head. He needed Lando.

_ And everybody saw me sick _

_ And it felt like no one gave a shit _

_ They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid _

Charles explained to Lando that he saw Max walking in the paddock in this state. And that before that Adam had been to Charles to ask where Max was. Lando clenched his fists at the hearing of Adam's name.

"I hate that guy," Lando muttered.

Charles frowned and stared at Max. Suddenly he saw the handprints around Max's neck. He immediately got up and examined the bruise closely. 

“He didn't have that an hour ago," Charles whispered.

Lando's eyes widened.

"Maxy? What happened to you and Adam? Did you have a fight?"

Max nodded and held Lando tighter. "Don't tell him this. Please, he's already mad."

  
  
  


"I think we need to tell Daniel," Charles whispered.

_ What if you had it all _

_ But nobody to call? _

_ Maybe then you'd know me _

Lando nodded and immediately called his teammate, despite Max's protest. A few minutes later, Charles opened the door for the Australian. A concerned look was on Daniel's face.

"Maxy? Where are you hurting baby?"

He squatted next to the Dutchman and rubbed circles over Max’s knee. That was something that always calmed him.

  
  


"Everywhere Dan," Max cried loudly. 

Daniel took over Max from Lando and kept going in circles with his fingers, but now on Max's back.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Max bit his lip. He still feared Adam.

Fortunately Charles realized this. "We're protecting you from Adam. You're not alone." 

Daniel and Lando nodded, making Max feel a little more secure.

"He hurts me," Max admitted.

Daniel stopped stroking and had to do his best not to get up right away, and kill Adam. Charles and Lando also looked furious. But they knew Max needed them. Killing Adam had to be postponed for a moment.

"He says things t-that aren't true. H-he gets angry so quickly, throws things and b-breaks my stuff. H-he hits me." Max tried to explain everything well.

_ Cause I've had everything _

_ But no one's listening _

_ And that's just fucking lonely _

“He made me stop seeing my friends and made me stop talking to you Daniel. He broke my phone.”

Daniel nodded understandingly.

"When we were still together, he made me think I wasn't going to be good enough for you. I broke up with you because of the insecurities Adam had caused."

Daniel looked sadly at the Dutchman, "if only I had known, I could tell you that those were lies."

_ I'm so lonely _

_ Lonely _

_ I'm so lonely _

_ Lonely _

  
  


Max stared at the wall, "It doesn't change anything, we broke up. You don't love me."

Daniel immediately shook his head, "Maxy, I never stopped loving you. I thought you stopped loving me and wanted to be with Adam. I gave you space."

  
  


It was a big blur to Max's eyes. Daniel still loved him?

He was very confused and didn't know what to do with Adam. It was still his boyfriend, right? Max stared at his skin. But if Adam really loved Max, would he have hurt him so much?

"Did Adam hurt you more often?" Lando's voice trembled a little at the thought.

Max kept staring at the wall. His friends already knew the answer.

"Max, would you like to take off your suit?" Charles asked in a whisper. Max was shocked by this question, and looked at Daniel for help. 

Daniel looked sad, a tear slid down his cheek. "We're just going to take a look at your bruises, Maxy."

Max shook his head, "no."

"Max, we need to know if we have to take care of the wounds."

Max put his hands around himself, if he gave himself a hug. "No," he said almost pleadingly. 

He didn't want them to see him like that. So hurt. He wanted to hide it forever, keep it secret. And somehow he was still afraid of Adam's reaction. He didn't want to upset or disappoint him. Would his friends really protect him?

Lando smiled sadly, "I'll help you." He walked over to his best friend and gave him a big hug. Then he detached the first parts of the suit. Max sobbed quietly, but nodded understandingly. He did not even know whether he had taken care of the wounds properly. When he took off his racing suit, he stared at the wall in embarrassment. The others examined his body for open wounds.

"Honey, we need to get this wound on your thigh checked at a hospital," Daniel whispered.

Max looked at the wound and saw that it was infected. He quickly put on a t-shirt and sweatpants from Lando. Then he didn't feel so exposed.

"What now?" Charles wondered. 

Lando and Charles looked questioningly at Daniel, but the Australian only had eyes for the Dutchman.

"We're doing this at Max's pace," Daniel said.

"We have to tell Christian, we have to report Adam to the police. Oh and qualifying starts in half an hour, so our teams are looking for us." Charles looked at everyone one by one, worried.

He was right, but Daniel remained silent. This was Max's moment, his life. He had to indicate what he was ready for.

"I can tell Christian, and then Hulkenberg can drive for me," Max suggested. The Dutchman loved to race, but he was so tired at the moment. He was in too much pain mentally and physically.

"I stay with you." Daniel looked steadfastly at Max, but the Dutchman shook his head. "I want you guys to do the qualification."

The others looked at each other and nodded. Together they walked towards the Red Bull garage. There was already an angry Christian waiting. Lando and Charles went to their own team, but Daniel stayed with Max.

After the two in the office explained everything, Christian turned his angry expression into a worried one. "I will do everything I can to protect you. As a team, we will take away his pass so that he will not be allowed in the paddock. We will also make a plan together with my lawyers.”

Max and Daniel nodded. Daniel had his hand on his ex's knee. Max felt butterflies again, just like before.

"Daniel, you can go now. Max and I are going to discuss some more."

Daniel nodded and left Max with Christian. Max's boss was busy calling the FIA and in the meantime also Nico, who was about to drive Max's car. Max knew Adam was going to hear this news, and he knew he was going to get angry.

"You can stay in the garage or you can go back to your hotel room?" Christian suggested.

"What would be the excuse that prevented me from driving?" Max asked Christian.

Christian shrugged, "sick?"

Max rolled his eyes and nodded. A small smile appeared. "Thanks Christian," he whispered.

Christian gave Max a short hug before saying that he still had to arrange things himself. Max nodded and decided to stay in the garage for a while. He didn't want to miss qualifying and hoped Nico would at least make it into Q2. But he couldn't expect anything from someone who heard this at the last minute.

Suddenly Max heard his phone ring. Startled, he answered, without seeing who it was. 

"Hello?"

"Why can't you drive? And why can't I come into the paddock anymore?" Adam's angry voice could be heard.

"A-adam, I told them that you hurt me and abuse me. We're breaking up."

Max heard Adam laugh on the other side, "Oh Maxy, it's not that easy. You think you can shut me out? You can ban me from your life? You need me Maxy."

Max took a deep breath. Was Adam right?

"Okay, I accept it. But at least let me see you one last time. Then I'll leave your life." Adam said.

Max frowned at Adam's sudden change. Should he do this?

"Please Maxy, I want to explain everything. Meet me in our hotel room for the last time." Then he hung up.

Max frowned and began to doubt. But if Adam really wanted to explain? Then how could he say no? Maybe this was very naive, but somehow he hoped for a happy ending.

  
  
  


Once Max opened the door to his hotel room, Adam was standing there with tears in his eyes and a backpack filled with things. "I'll take the PS5 if you don't mind," Adam muttered. 

Max frowned, what happened? "What? Stop those are my stuff"

Adam glared at Max. "And I wouldn't take it if you had kept your mouth shut! Wasn't my love enough for you? I gave you everything!"

Max shook his head, "You gave me nothing at all! Just pain. And I know Daniel still loves me!"

This made Adam angry. Adam walked closer to Max and Max backed up until he was against the wall. "It's always Daniel. I hate that Australian. Even when you were in a relationship with me, you only thought about him."

Max stared at the floor, too scared to make a noise.

"Answer me goddamn!" Adam's fist landed in Max's stomach. The Dutchman fell to the ground and let out a cry of pain. 

"Useless." Adam said.

Adam kicked Max's head several times, until it turned black before Max his eyes. The last thing he heard was a door being shut.

  
  
  
  
  


"Why did he go back to him? Has he gone mad?"

"He is an abuse victim, that man could have put anything in Max's head."

"Should we take him to the hospital?"

"The ambulance will be there in a minute."

Max blinked and saw three faces staring at him with concern. He did not hear what they were saying or know who they were. With a sigh he decided to go back to sleep. Hopefully it was all a dream.

  
  
  
  


"His name was Adam, they had been in a relationship for about 6 months."

"He has multiple fractures in his ribs. His bruises take a long time to heal."

  
  
  
  
  


"Maxy, I miss you."

"He'll wake up Daniel. We just have to wait."

"I miss him Lando, I still love him."

"I know."

  
  


Max opened his eyes again briefly, but could hardly see anything. He saw one man in a chair next to him. The man had his eyes closed and was asleep. Why was he holding Max's hand? Before Max could observe everything properly, his eyes closed again.

  
  
  


"He's been arrested. Christian just called."

"Charles you're kidding, did they finally get him?"

"Yeah, but he won't budge. It's going to be a tough case."

"Did you hear that, Maxy? They got him!"

  
  
  
  
  


"Do you think Max's mother will be back with the soup? I'm hungry."

"Lando, you have to stop eating when you're nervous."

"It's been four days since we found him and he's still not awake. Yeah, I'm nervous."

  
  
  
  


"Hey Maxy, when you wake up we'll buy a house together. I'll keep hugging and kissing you forever. You won't get rid of me anymore."

"If he ever wakes up.”

"Shut up Lando."

"I'm sorry. I miss him terribly and I'm scared."

"We’re all scared."

  
  
  
  


"Hey Maxy, you will never be alone again."

  
  


And Max opened his eyes.

~~_ Cause I've had everything _ ~~

~~_ But no one's listening _ ~~

~~_ And that's just fucking lonely _ ~~

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments & feedback always greatly appreciated💙


End file.
